by these perfectly matched human magnets or dysfunctional dancers is interminably powerful, binding them together despite myriad consequences or shared unhappiness. Just pure, healthy love. Despite the insanity, the recurring conflict, neglect, abuse, shame, pain, the dysfunctional couple will continue the dance, playing the same old tunes over and over. Over time, the dance metaphor developed into one of my favorite psychotherapeutic techniques because it helped to facilitate perception of rigid thought patterns, break down systems of denial and enable emotional and intellectual understanding of dysfunctional relationship dynamics. In other words, the narcissists grandiosity, entitlement and need to be in control are not only allowed by his or her codependent partner, but also paradoxically make the partner feel safe and secure in the dance.
The Codependency Dance requires two people: the pleaser/fixe r and the taker/ controller. Read the Book That is Based on This Essay. Home / Ethics Values / The Codependent Narcissist Dance.
After many songs, what was once mesmerizing and exciting usually will transform into a dance that is defined more by drama, conflict, and feelings of being trapped. This is not a new idea, as for over 40 years, the pioneers of Family Systems and Adult Child of Alcoholics (acoa) theories have espoused the various relational systems at play in an addictive relationship (or family). Although all codependent dancers desire harmony and balance, they consistently sabotage themselves by choosing a partner who they are initially attracted to, but will ultimately resent. Whether the two are mesmerized or infuriated with each other, the compulsion to dance with their partner continues; neither wants to sit the dance out. It is during a recovery (sobriety) period that we see the sex addict as either a narcissistic sex addict or a codependent sex addict. Someone they can subtly control with their words and moves.
To an onlooker, it appears that they dance with ESP, each knowing and predicting the others moves before they happen. They are naturally attracted to dancers who lack self-worth and have low self-esteem Codependents.